心事能向谁说？Miscommunication again

有没有想过如果你有心事你能向谁说？每次我有心事我都跟老公说。可是每次老公都没有耐心的听我说完就插嘴。很多时候都自以为是的意见一大堆。A total turn off! 还好随着时间过去，老公慢慢的学会聆听。可是如果你的心事是有关老公的，你还会跟他说吗？我想跟他说可是不知道要怎样开口。Actually I did tell him before; both verbal and writen. However thing remain unchanged. Example I wanted him to hold my hand and hug me more, he never does.

I always feel that we have communication problem. I thought I told him directly and straight forward about how I felt yet he could still think otherwise. Example Urban Decay Naked 2 incident. I always wanted to have one since I chance upon on youtube last November. However it was not in stock in Singapore. I waited and waited and finally my friend bought it last Friday! I was so happy that I told Mr Ong about it. I told him I wanted to go on Saturday. He said let's go then and he would buy for me. Oh man  I was super happy. I thought it was meant to be my birthday present. After all he didn't give me present just dinner.

However he didn't buy for me. I paid for myself. Of course I was unhappy. I asked him,"I thought you are paying?" He replied,"you cannot always expect me to pay for all your expenses. Do you know how tight I am? When I was jobless you didn't pay for all my expenses as well." I was furious.

First, he was the one who said he would buy for me when I didn't request. (hello I want 'face' too ok. You think I feel good asking people for money?)

Secondly, as a head of the family, he should provide for his wife and kid. Yes he was jobless for a period of time hence couldn't provide. However I contributed whatever I could with my little pay! Mind you he earns more than double of my pay now. I couldn't pay for everything but at least I paid for the necessities. On top of that I do all the housework! Isn't that enough?

I was very DL and didn't want to talk about it anymore till today when we had argument over texts. In short, he felt that I wanted his money! WTF! Since when I want his money? Whenever I asked him for money, it is for family like PUB bill etc. Never for myself. If he gives me for my own use, I accepted happily treating it as a bonus. He quoted the Naked 2 as example of how I wanted money from him. Gosh it was so hurting! I bombed him with a long list of my unhappiness.

The best part was he couldn't even remember his promise! The point is, even if he could not remember saying he would buy for me, he should have asked me directly why I was angry. How could he assume I just want money from him?? This is an insult! Married for 6 years, can't he tell whether I am sincere or not towards him and family? Who would want to continue a marriage whose husband doesn't love her, doesn't want to make love with her and doesn't give her money? Ask the women around. Who want to?? Why did I hold on? Isn't the answer obvious?

I know money has always been a sensitive topic to him hence I always working determine not to ask him for money for own use. His money would be for himself and family that's all. Not for Klara. Even now I'm not working, I never ask him for money for my own use. I was thinking if I used up my saving without getting a job, perhaps I would borrow from friend. Can you see he is not even on my mind when comes to money! If he gives me money or buy me things, I would take it as bonus. Not take it for granted. Even that time he said he will give me a sub card, I just smile and said thank you without pressing him to get for me. Even when he told me the bank will not approve his application of sub card I just told him it's ok. 有心就好。When he said he will open a family account and transfer some money into it so that I can use it freely, again I just smile and thank him. (of course say only no action) but did I ever pressure him to do so? No. I never even mention to him. 

我的原则是 “你给我， 我就拿。 你不给我也不会生气你。 钱是你的。 我无权管。” “你如果有心，我也心领了。” 

That is my attitude towards him when money is concern.  

God I pray that YOU will heal my broken heart. 

Sad
LC