Focus on HIM (GOD) not him

Lately I'm pretty depressed. I had nightmare 2 days ago. I dreamt that I was pregnant a girl and happily told Mr Ong (he has always wanted a girl). However in the dream Mr Ong told me he wanted to divorce me for he had found his dream girl. I woke up feeling sad.

I texted my sis in Christ, Mrs Ho, about my dream. She pointed out that I had not release my fear to GOD. I did not admit to GOD about my fear that's why it surfaced up. Come to think of it, she is right. For the past 6 years I always put on a strong front. I tried my best to keep slim and pretty, and make sure I have good income, so that if one day Mr Ong doesn't want, any man would still drool for me. I always tell people it is ok that Mr Ong divorce me since he doesn't love him and I don't. So long I still got "market value", I will still find a good man. It was so convincing that I actually believe what I said!

Then came the nightmare. Actual fact, I was scared. I was scared that Mr Ong doesn't want me. I was so afraid and insecure. I never dare to admit my fear. I was so 死爱面子. I hate to show fear to others especially to Mr Ong. My dear sis was right. I have to admit to GOD my fear and let HIM deal with it. Only when I admit my fear to GOD then HE is able to heal me.

Another "bomb" came yesterday. Mr Ong said he is very restless and unhappy. He hates the fact that everyday is so mundane; work, home, wife, son. He wants to be life before (before married) where he could go out with friend till next day evening. Like spend time with friend 24/7. To be honest, I was affected by his word again.

Mrs Ho highlighted to me that it is nothing to do with me and Mini Ong. Mr Ong doesn't know who he is and his life purpose. It is nothing to do with me and I need to be clear with that. I have to find my security in GOD and not Mr Ong because Mr Ong will always sway and change. The only thing I can do is pray that GOD will lead and guide Mr Ong. Only GOD can change him. If we don't pray, Mr Tan aks Satan, will win. Mr Tan will make us insecure and don't take up our spiritual authority and claim back what belongs to us. Another best friend of mine Mrs Goh sent me a verse. Matthew 25:29: For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have abundance, but from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away.

Jesus is talking about a firm belief in GOD's word that gives one the courage to say, "I have it!" If you say that you have it, you have it, and more will be given to you. What Mrs Goh was trying to tell me is I have a happy marriage and I should say "I have it!". It is already given to GOD. What given by GOD nobody can take it away without GOD's permission. GOD is great isn't HE?

I am learning to focus on GOD now and ignore the rest that are hurting to me. GOD is taking over my life, my fear, everything about me from now on. Amen!

Hopeful
LC