Comparing :( A wakening call!

Yesterday, I had a bad dream. I dreamt that I was pregnant and my family 'jumped' on me as if I committed the world greatest crime! In the dream, I shouted at them, "I am a Recruitment Manager and our household income is that of those who live in condos and private apartments. Why is that I can't have 2nd kid?" It was then I recalled that I promised my boss I will not have 2nd kid till I clear the recruitment mess, and my hubby is still jobless. On top of that, we still have debts to pay off. *Come on la...which Singaporean do not have debts?* Anyway as fast as the dream came, I woke up thanking GOD that it was just a dream.

This dream was disturbing. First, I am not ready to be a mother again. Why did I keep dreaming that I was pregnant? Secondly, why would my family so against me pregnant? Because both my hubby's and my jobs are still unstable? Or was because Mr Ong is still not ready for this marriage and not ready to love me??

I guess maybe this is going to do with my cousin who lately just given birth to her 2nd kid. While others tend to ask me when will I have 2nd baby, the other would oppose the idea. A series of negative incidents haunted my mind....

Since young, my family members have been comparing me with my cousin, saying she is prettier than me, smarter than me, married a good husband, her house is nicer and neater than me etc etc etc....

Since young till now, I have been living in this unkind comparison. I can't help by wondering why? What is the purpose of comparing me with her and why? Is it because they feel shiok by degrading me? Seriously I was feeling down and I told a Sis in Christ, Mrs Ho, about my dream and I shared with Mr Ong about my unhappiness.

Mrs Ho said, "GOD won't give you more than you can bear. HE knows when you are ready or not. This one fear that gripes you and you need to surrender. I believe HE gave you the dream to show you your fears. If you ain't ready for a baby then remember to take precautions until you think you are ready. GOD won't give you what you cannot take." Guess what? Mrs Ho is right! I am indeed fearful. Until I learn to face my fear, the fear will keep haunting me. By facing my fear, I have to learn to fix my eyes to GOD always and surrender to HIM. 

Mr Ong assured me that I am not in anyway inferior than my cousin and I should not be bothered by it. He said I have to learn to ignore people's criticism. Though Mr Ong did not say focus on GOD, somehow, I got the message from Mr Ong that I should focus on GOD! One told me directly to focus on GOD and the other one told me indirectly.

I realized what my weakness are; I took people's criticism seriously and I lack of self confidence. I am fearful too.

Joyce Meyer's message today really speak to me. She said, "Let now be your time to go forward and be set free from the torments of comparing yourself with others and trying to be someone you’re not. God is proud of who He made you to be!" Isn't GOD amazing? HE is using Joyce to tell me to STOP comparing myself with others! HE is proud of me! 

At this moment, I realized that to overcome my weakness, I need to focus on GOD. Man will fail you but not GOD. Focusing on GOD is my only breakthrough. I am so overwhelm by GOD's love! Imaging HE has been telling me HE loves me through different channels :)

No matter what happen in future, my eyes are on GOD only and I am to work for HIM not man. They can say what they want. My ears will not entertain them. Looking forward to my own breakthrough soon :)

Love

LC