~Forever In love~

"Does 'forever in love' even exist?" Someone asked me this. Some say yes while some say no. However deep inside my heart I do believe "forever in love" exist. 

How do you know you are in love? There are many ways. Depend on individual I guess. To me, it is more than just heart beat faster than usual. I realized something even beyond my understanding; When appearance, status, and age, don't concern you at all, you know that you are in love. 

Many years ago, I used to date a man who is 8 years older than me, lowly educated (not even SPM graduated), fat and not good looking. He was very nice to me just that he was also overly protective till restricted my freedom of meeting friends. Anyway to cut my point short, I mind EVERYTHING! I was ok with the age, but I did mind his education level was below mine (am a Degree holder); communication was tough. He didn't seem to know what I was talking about and it was worst when I was sharing with him work related stuff. I also mind his appearance. Whenever someone commented that we were not compatible and he looked like a butcher, I would hide. I would refuse to go out with him whenever possible. Do you call this "love"? Yes, you are right, I don't love him. Eventually we went separate ways when thing turned ugly.

Through this incident, I had been searching for "love". I want to know what love is and the feeling of in love. And then guess what?! I found that feeling! I never missed somebody so much before, never kept thinking of that person (what is he doing now? Does he miss me? Is he busy etc etc etc)...appearance, status, age, everything about him doesn't concern me at all! I don't care what would others say about us or look at us when we were together. I just know that I felt secured, protected, cared, and loved whenever he was with me. I would be cranky when I didn't get to see him. In fact, I felt proud to be with him! I was proud to display my love for him in the public. I was perfectly comfortable with hugging and kissing him in the public. *OMG OMG OMG* When we weren't meeting, I would be sitting at home doing nothing all day but think about him and hope that he was ok. I was hoping he will text me soon...I would be waiting anxiously alone by the phone.

It was indeed a great feeling any in love couple would experience. I used to wonder would this feeling last forever...though I would love to, I knew it was beyond our control. But then again, whatever will be will be, the future is not for our to see.

So yes I do believe in "forever in love" but that is not my greatest belief. My greatest belief would be treasure every moment with your loved ones and leave tomorrow to tomorrow ha! Most importantly, enjoy every moment with your special someone. <3

要幸福哦！

LC

~Angry~

Seriously I am looking like an angry bird for a week. I am feeling very negative, tired, drained and angry. I felt very frustrated that I wish to be left alone. I wish to be in coma for at least a month! I don't know why I had this idea of being in coma...perhaps I just really want to rest..mind, body and soul.

I felt all the responsibilities and burden on me. I'm the main financial provider for the family, and at the same time work like a maid to ensure the house is clean and tidy and family member have clean clothes to wear daily. I really wish I can choose one out of two duties. Either a financial provider but do not need to do all those cleaning or maid but do not need to contribute a single cent.

People always said GOD made women to be multi tasking. Really?! Which part of bible says that?? Not all the women can multi tasking...At least not for me. How much can a woman bear? Bible says woman is created to support man and man's responsibility is to provide for the family. Since when woman become a supporter and a provider? Since when???

I don't want to be a bitch scolding my hubby every time I reached home but somehow I could not control it. Having a hard and tired day at work, I wish to go back to my home sweet home to seek comfort. However the moment I stepped in the house, what greeted me was not warm and loving, and clean environment but a messy and unloving environment. It was as if the house was waiting for me to clean it. It was like a war zone or rubbish house!

Newspapers everywhere on the floor as if we are painting the house, TV controllers on the floor, used cups lying around the floor, letters, bag, empty cheese wrapper, empty cake container...all around the floor instead of places that these stuff should be placed!...There is a dedicated place to store all read newspaper, used cups should be washed and place in the dish rack, empty wrappers and containers should be thrown to avoid pests, and TV controllers should be in a basket dedicated for all the controllers. Come on! Isn't it common sense? Somehow I realised my common sense is not others' common sense! Especially if the party is brought up by a family who do not have basic hygiene and manner! WTF!

For the past 5 years before we moved into new house (almost 2 years by now), I have been educating him regarding basic hygiene and manner. Being exposed to outside world for more than 10 years, isn't it an eye opener for him to distinguish between what is right and wrong? However it seem like it is a mental block to him...

Those bad habits were carried forward to new house! I am so tired of dealing with pests. It is a brand new house yet I see ants everywhere! This shows how dirty the house is *Big Sigh*

Helpless

LC

It's been long time...

It had been long time since I wrote my blog. Ever since I joined this new company (Sept 2012), I really do not have "life". I had never been into a organization where there were no system. No HR system like SAP, Brassring Kennax etc everything here is using excel to update *OMG* CO2 x 1000 loh

In addition to that, my team really love to chu pattern to give me problem. They really pattern more than badminton sigh sigh..everyday before going to work, I would pray to GOD to give me wisdom, strength, and capability to handle work and people challenges. So far, I survived for 4 months! It seemed like years to me lolx Hair is getting whiter too. My colleague told me that everyone working for that particular business unit, hairs are all white. Come to think of it, it is true! lolx What comfort me was I have nice colleagues from the business units I support. At least life wasn't that bad kekeke

New year new hope and new image. I changed a new hair style. Though many commented that I look better in my previous hair style than new hair style, but to me, I felt fresher and younger lolx

Here is my old hair style:

And here is my current hair style:

 

I suppose which one is better really depends on individual's preference ba...most importantly is I myself like it haaa

And this is me at work. I had a lousy day that day. So I decided to take a pic of my serious and angry look.

I don't know how am I going to handle my problems but I believe and trust GOD to help me. Without HIM, I probably tender. I am also thankful to 2 of my team mates who have been supporting me selflessly. This is what I call a TEAM.

Moving forward, I will try my best to build my team up with the guidance of GOD and will be a good manager to them. I pray that this team will shine and glow :)

Hopeful
LC

Love Language *Experience talk*

Have you heard of Dr. Gary Chapman's best seller book; "The 5 love languages"? In case you have not, here are the brief introduction; With more than 30 years of experience as a marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman has heard it all. He has helped couples at every stage of marriage and at pivotal points in their relationships - from those just discovering the joys and trial of marriage to those who are ready to call it quits.

After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had counseled had a "love language," a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.

Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive - everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Check this website for the meaning of the 5 love languages (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/)

You may be wondering why I mention it. As I moved on to my story, you will understand what was the reason.

For the whole month of August, I had been very emotionally unstable till I developed panic attack. Apart from jobless issue (I'm going to start work 3rd Sept yeah! \(^_^)/), I felt that Mr Ong wasn't concerned about me. He was busy gaming, clubbing and smsing. I found it so hard to communicate with him. There wasn't any opportunity for quality time without him doing his stuff. This had been the issue for past 6 years and I felt that it was getting worst! Determine to do something to our marriage, I decided to drop him an email. It was on 1st week of August (Sometime, face to face talk could lead to heated argument or emotional cry. Emailing is better at least it gives you time to think before you write it down). Apparently Mr Ong read it because we had a talk on the issues. He promised that he will try to improve the situation and be more sensitive to my needs. However as time goes by, I see no improvement. Eventually it led to emotion snapped and panic attack. I behaved like a crazy woman! It was so bad that first time in my life, I actually not afraid of committing suicide! Realizing that this is unhealthy and scary, I had to put an end to it.

I began to pray desperately to GOD to save me. It was then I heard a voice said,"love language". Thinking that I must be too tired, I ignored it. However as I pray, the word kept coming to my mind. Suddenly I recalled that I had bought a book, 'The 5 love languages', many years back. I searched for the book and re-read again. As I read the book, everything started to make sense. The reason why my emotion broke down was because my 'love tank' was empty. Mr Ong had failed to speak my love language to refill my love tank. As my 'love tank' was empty for long period, it eventually lead to break down of emotion. The letter I wrote to Mr Ong was an indication of my inner cry for his love. It actually indirectly stated my love language! To be fair to Mr Ong, I didn't speak his love language as well. As his 'love tank' was equally empty, he withdrew. He didn't know about the concept of love language. To him, he felt that all couples are the same after few years of marriage. What we are experiencing, no chemical in the marriage, are normal to him. However to me, because I always place GOD as number 1 in my life, my understanding of GOD's marriage are different from him. For example, Quality Time, he thinks that by physical presence with me is consider quality time. However, the real concept of quality time is focusing on your spouse and not doing other stuff, while spending time with her/him.

At this moment, there is nothing I can do except pray. Let GOD intervene this marriage. After all, I had done my best in communicating with him. Even though Mr Ong said he will try to learn to speak to my love language, I couldn't help but feel that he still does not understand my cry. I really want to break the curse and only GOD can do it. 

Hopeful
LC

Comfort

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted
- Matthew 5:4

Jesus is clearly not speaking here of every kind of mourning, some of which is due to the natural consequences of sinful living in a sinful world. Rather, he speaks of those who mourn for their sins, in repentance, recognizing their wickedness before a holy and good God.

It is the "broken and contrite heart" that God will not despise (Psalm 51:17).

Remember the tax collector in Jesus' parable? (Luke 18:9-14). He could not even look up to heaven, the burden of his own sin and guilt weighed so heavily on him. He smote his own breast and cried "God be merciful to me, the sinner." This man, Jesus said, went to his home justified before God.

True, spiritual grief is God -- not man -- centered. People often "mourn" for their mistakes, but only because they are caught in a crime, or suffer themselves, or see loved ones suffer. But all sin (not just "big" sins) should cause the penitent heart to mourn, knowing that it grieves and dishonors God.

True spiritual mourning also leads to true spiritual repentance, a turning away from the old way of life and to the way of Christ (2 Corinthians 7:10). Mourning that is only outward and temporary will not be comforted.

But how will those who truly mourn for sin be comforted? How will they be consoled when they are mourning because of real sin, real burdens, and real repentance? They will be comforted because, through Christ, the source of their grief will be removed.

In Christ, they find forgiveness, healing, and the power to overcome sin. Ultimately, they will be comforted when they are removed from even the very presence of sin, in heaven. Blessed they are, indeed, who mourn for their sin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How great God is! I was just mourning for the sins I committed when my daily devotion regarding God's forgiveness came. I led a very stupid life and made many mistakes which were sins. Somehow lately all my sins surfaced and the guilt and grief weighed so heavily on me! I believe Satan was attacking me again wanted me to feel bad and lousy.

However I have a faithful and good God who tells me through this daily devotion that when I truly repent, all my sins will be removed through Christ.

Thank you God for your love and forgiveness. Thank you Jesus for removing my sins.

Grateful
LC

Reminder from God; Stronger by Faith

Stronger by Faith

by Joyce Meyer - posted August 22, 2012

The Lord is my Strength and my Song, and He has become my Salvation; this is my God, and I will praise Him, my father’s God, and I will exalt Him. —Exodus 15:2

God does not want to just give you strength; He wants to be your strength. In 1 Samuel 15:29 God is referred to as the Strength of Israel. There was a time when Israel knew God was their strength. But when they forgot it, they always started to fail and their lives began to be filled with destruction.

How do you receive strength from God? By faith. Hebrews 11:11 says that by faith Sarah received strength to conceive a child when she was well past childbearing age. By faith you can receive strength to stay in a difficult marriage, raise a difficult child, or prosper in a difficult job. Start receiving God as your strength by faith. It will quicken your body as well as your spirit and soul.

Once again, GOD reminds me to have faith. Look at my daily devotion today (See the bold words with yellow highlight). These are the challenges I am facing and to be honest, I am DYING! My dear sis in Christ, Mrs Ho, said the reason why I felt drained was because I did not fully surrender and trust GOD. If I did, I would feel peace and none of the above mentioned would bothers me. Well, she is right again.

As you know, my marriage did not have foundation. Meaning we did not have proper courtship to get to know each other more before we got married. From the time we know each other till married, total duration was 6 months! To make this crazy decision to get married was because I was pregnant. Abortion was not on our list hence marriage was the only way to keep the baby. Since then, everyday is a battle. Yes the word is "IS". A battle to improve this marriage. Without GOD in my marriage, I would be dead by then. The number of heart broken and tears flowed *probably could cause a tsunami!*could drives a woman to commit suicide. Mental torture wasn't fun at all! Of course I am still well and alive but that is not because of my love for son or whatsoever. It is because of GOD. I believe GOD is working on my marriage and I just need to stay faithful to GOD. There are still things to be ironed out...I also realized that the more I am drawn to GOD, the more Mr Ong would "chu pattern" to shaken our marriage. Spiritual warfare is on now. It is the war that GOD took over from me now to fight for me. All I need to do is to pray and wait. Be a audience!

Raising a difficult child is no joke. It is mentally, physically and financially drained. Mini Ong is a ADHD kid. Being a ADHD kid, he has to go for Occupation Therapy where he is taught to control his hyper activeness. On top of that, his English language isn't good too and has been put to speech review. If the review turns out negative, he has to go for speech therapy too *BIG SIGH* What made the problem worst is that Mini Ong has flat footed. He has to put a special insole to help develop his arch to be of normal. That cost us SGD 91. Insole got to change every 6 - 12 mths as his feet develop. You see how these expenses burn a big hole in my pocket :( Because of these, our marriage affected too. Mr Ong was in denial stage saying all these therapies weren't necessary. However it is necessary! If we ignore, Mini Ong's future development will be dark....I just surrender my worries to GOD. I can't take it anymore. HE shall take over.

The job I am going to take is going to be difficult (See my previous blogs). If I said I am not worried I am lying. However GOD again and again reminds me not to be afraid as HE is with me. Because of his assurance, I felt better and peace slowly set in.

In conclusion, I need to remain cool and let GOD's peace fill me. Be FAITHFUL! 

Faithful

LC

No More Same Old Same Old

No More Same Old Same Old

by Joyce Meyer - posted August 20, 2012

Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing! —Isaiah 43:18, 19

In today’s scripture, God says He is doing a new thing. As you move into the future He has for you, you will encounter all kinds of new opportunities, and challenges. The days ahead will be full of new experiences, things you have never done before. You may not know how to do them, but you will learn. Everything you are doing today was new to you at one time—and look, now you can do it.

Continuing to face new challenges and develop new abilities is extremely important to your growth and maturity. As you walk with God into your future, you will hear Him say, “You have not done this before, but don’t be afraid. I’m taking you to a place you have never been before. I’m going to ask you to do something you don’t know how to do!” God has already been where He is leading you, and He has prepared the way. Step out in faith and you will experience the faithfulness of God.

We think and say, “It’s time for a change! I need something new,” and then we hesitate to embrace that new thing when it comes. If you are ready for something new and fresh, don’t be afraid to embrace it when it comes.

Don’t stay trapped in the past. Let go of what lies behind and press into the great future God has planned for you. I can promise you: God is with you. He will lead you. He will strengthen you. He will help you. 

Love God Today: With God’s help, I will embrace every new thing He brings into my life.

Once again, I feel so love by GOD. The above mentioned is my daily devotion. It speaks to me!! I had panic attack again today. Perhaps you are wondering why did I have panic attack when my job is already secured. Well this is the cause! To be honest, I am very scared of the new challenge that I am going to face soon. No doubt it is recruitment but this time, responsibility heavier. I am going to do things that I have never done before and I don't know how to do!....I am going to lead a bigger team and make changes to the recruitment team. Everyone, the stakeholders and my bosses, are watching me, seeing how I am going to perform miracle (existing recruitment is a big mess and my job is to clear the mess).

Yes I am a coward I admit but I think this is human nature! Everyone who is moving towards the unknown, will more or less feel scare and insecure. I suppose this is why I suffered from panic attack again. I acknowledge my fear and have been telling GOD truthfully. Guess what? GOD assured me HE is with me to face new challenges and develop new abilities that is extremely important to my growth and maturity. I have to be brave and faithful. Keep focus on GOD! HE will strengthen me and help me.

Happy

LC