~Wedding Proposal 求婚~

I had a most wonderful dream yesterday. I dream that a guy (I don't remember his face) kneel down and proposed to me in the public! And when I said "Yes!", he put on my favourite diamond ring on my finger!

I was so touched and happy that tears of joy soon filled my eyes. Next min I knew I was hugging him. Like most women, I used to wonder how my future husband would propose to me. I dreamed about it being near the ocean (I love the beach) and I wondered what he would say and how he would ask. Well my husband never proposed to me. Our marriage is kind of being forced to. Till now I don't think he loves me yet too. Perhaps because of this, deep inside my heart I long for a marriage proposal. I long for the moment the diamond ring was put on my finger and the happiness my partner shown when I said "yes".

I long for this blissful feeling so badly that when I woke up from the dream, first time in my life I actually hate to be alive! I wish I can be in the dream forever.

Deep inside my heart, I do wish and pray that one day, he will propose to me. 好希望那天快点到来。

<3
LC

Done and over

This is me before going for interview. I was very excited today about the interview that I could hardly sleep yesterday. I made an effort to do research regarding the company and really dressed well and put in the best that I could for today interview.

Well, I wouldn't say the interview went bad but I wouldn't say it went well as well. I don't know how to put it just feel 50 - 50 ba..

I had done my best and the interview is already over. No point keep thinking. Leave it to God now. Over to you GOD!

zen~

LC



New Job = New Baby??

Received a call from GMP that I am shortlisted for interview with a good gaming company. An MNC as Staffing Manager! Wow I couldn't believe it! Gaming companies is a great industry to go into. It is a casual and fun company to work in. Just like Google. I am so happy that despite not feeling well and suppose to rest, my mind is so excited that I decided to blog it *wink*

What am I suppose to say during the interview? Will the interivewer likes me? What to wear for interview? Oh gosh am so excited! Though interview doesn't mean confirm get the job, but it is a HOPE! God is great isn't HE? :)

Well I pray that if this is a open opportunity from God to me, let me be selected on the spot kekeke AMEN!

So what is new job going to do with baby? Oh well lately Mr Ong has been proposing having a 2nd kid. He feels that when both of us secure a perm job, it would be time to have another kid to keep Mini Ong company. However, I am still not ready to have another kid. I have financial fear, relationship fear, and Mini Ong fear.

We are still in debts. To secure a perm job to me means paying off all the debts. I want to have a financial breakthrough in 2012. Having another kid is only to add more financial burden to us.

My next concern is relationship. Mr Ong and I are still not in love. This marriage is based on responsibilities and committment. It is scary to think of having 2 kids and divorce. It may not happen of course but again we never know.

Mini Ong is a AHDH kid. He needs more attention than other normal kid. My attention to him already max out. I really don't know how to divide my love and attention to another kid. For the next 1 - 2 years, Mini Ong has to go for ADHD intervention frequently. It is going to be taxing for us. Despite Mr Ong said he will get a maid if we have 2nd kid, but it only solves my housework problem not Mini Ong's attention problem.

Hence I suggested to wait for another 2 years. Wait till Mini Ong is in Primary 1. By then hopefully he doesn't have to go for intervention anymore and his ADHD is able to control well. By then we would have paid off all the debts as well. It would be more stable to have new comer in the family. Also by then if everything goes well, we would be on our 8 years of marriage. Should be safe le ba.......

Well everything will goes according to God's will. We shall see how. Be patience and walk according to God's will.

Excited
LC

OMG we are married!!

(St. Elmo's Fire LOVE Theme Instrumental - Original Soundtrack HQ Sound)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pPgv63CyvM&feature=related

This is my wedding song when we marched down the aisle. It is Mr Ong's favourite hence we chose this song.

*Looking at the photo* Pretty of not? *Thick skin* LOLX! By the way this is the edited wedding photo of me. Mr Ong was too shy to show his face so I used a funny spec to cover it. Well too bad I can't shrink the spec (Mr Ong actually praised me for being creative muhahaha). A little bit weird ya kekeke

Time flies and we have been married for 5 years. Looking back these period wasn't and still isn't easy. Don't ever have the thinking that we will still be the same before and after married. Trust me, it is NEVER be the same.

Before married, there are no committments and responsibilities.

After married things start to change...a shocking discovery for me is different living styles and habits. All the bad habits started to unveil. It really took us a long time to adjust and get use to it. I must say not everything about Mr Ong I can accept and vice versa. We just try too see each other's goodness than bad.

This is what I discovered when I stayed with them (in-law) for 4 years before moved to my own house....

Mr Ong love to leave his stuff all over the places in the house. Example he would leave newspaper on the floor after reading, leave his used cup on the floor instead of bringing it to kitchen and wash it, leave his dirty clothes on the floor instead of laundry basket...etc etc etc wherever he went sure left untidy marks on it. The place would look like swept by tornado...ok ok not that bad la BUT BUT definitely very messy.

Who would clear it for him? Me? Of course NOT. His Mother! Whenever he did that his mother would be the one picking up and putting it back to where the stuff belong to. It is a habit built in him since he was a kid. Nobody told him to put back the thing from whichever place he took. In the end who is tired? His mother of course! See how important habit is. If it is not properly cultivated, it will carry forward. The person may not see it as something wrong but to others, new member in the family, is very inconvenience especially the new member is a hygiene freak. That's right! That hygiene freak is ME!

Well, am not really hygiene freak la..just more tidy and organise than Mr Ong..at least I do not leave things anywhere on the floor :p

If I could turn back the clock, I wouldn't want to be tied down before 35. Enjoy life to the fullest before settle down ha!

自由万岁！
LC

如果有下一世。。。该放终究还是要放手

“你说下辈子如果我还记得你
我们死也要在一起
像是陷入催眠的距离
我已开始昏迷不醒
好吧下辈子如果我还记得你
你的誓言可别忘记”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsqXajZEar8



如果有下辈子，你会选择谁？“下辈子”这三个字像是给人一些希望。希望下辈子能续今生不能延续的缘分。可是又有谁知道会不会有下辈子？即使有，又有谁可以肯定一定会在一起? 那些相信有来世的人往往会抱这希望的求神拜佛，希望来世能续前缘。至少还是一个希望。“希望“往往给人活下来的勇气。倘若没有来世，是不是就没有希望了？ 今生今世有缘无份，连来世都没有的人该这么办？基督教徒是没有来世的。那就是说今生缘分已尽。没来世也只能选择放手。不想放也得放。不放又能怎样。不是你的勉强不来。

十年了。我没有一天不想他。即使我很努力的去过自己的生活，我还是想他。好没骨气啊！他心里早已没有我，我干吗怎么死心眼。好讨厌自己。十年前所留下的信物我还留着。想念的时候就会拿出来看。好想告诉他，“如果这一生我们爱不够，来生你千万认得我。如果这一生我给得不够，来生给你所有的我。”

我知道这样对老公很不公平。虽然老公不爱我，但他还是尽做丈夫的责任。没有因为我怀孕而抛弃我。老公也很疼我。我虽然也做了自己该做的本分，但因为心还存着“他”，很多时候往往不能全心全意。虽然老公知道我心里还想着他，可是老公并没怪我。他说他能理解。老公还说因为他不爱我，所以没有资格干涉我心里爱谁。有时想想，我们的婚姻还真奇妙啊！说不爱却能维持六年。哈哈！

尽管如此，该是时候放下了。怎么放我不知道。就顺其自然好了。既然要放，那如果有来世，我会叫孟婆给我多几碗孟婆汤喝。我要把所有的一切都忘掉。全部都忘掉。今世够累了。。。心够痛了。。。眼睛也哭到累了。我希望死了之后能够得到永恒的自由。信祖是对的。祖耶稣让我摆脱轮回的痛苦。感谢神对我的爱。

“就把你深深藏在我心中 一辈子再也不对别人说
说我曾经爱过你 我曾经对你笑过哭过
就把你深深藏在我心中 一辈子再也不对别人说
就算他日再相遇 也笑着与你擦肩而过 ”

既然我们都把彼此深深藏在心中，那就够了。我们永远都是红颜知己。希望你开开心心的活着。

祝福你
小巧克力

Walking by faith

Romans 8:31 "If God is for us, who can be against us?"
Psalm 23:4:Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

It has been a long time since I experience peace. For the past 2 weeks ever since hubby got a well paid job, breakthrough seems to be coming. The thought of being able to pay back all the debts and be sufficient enough to provide for the family really brought hope to the family once again. Ever since our marriage in 2006, we have been in debts. Day by day, year by year, we have been trying to pay off all the debts. However blessing didn't seem to favour us. Not once both of us were working. Either one of us was working but on contract assignment. And when the contract ended, jobless set in for many months. What follow next was fear, insecurity and quarrels.

Everyday I am praying for breakthrough. Breakthrough for our marriage and finance. I really pray and hope that hub would fall in love with me and that both of us bless with perm job with good pay and career prospect. I am praying and hopping that we could clear all the debts by 2012 and live a debt free life. However I'm jobless since 5th Jan. Despite actively looking for job, no news for me. God is indeed great when hubby got a well paid job 2 weeks ago. Though it was a 3 months contract job, it is convertable to perm. Everyday I am praying that hubby would be converted to perm.

The outdate hubby brought home daily regarding his work wasn't positive. I could see that he was puzzled by many things that was assigned to him yet he doesn't have the power in his work. He was puzzled by the reports that he was tasked to do when he should be doing recruitment and set up the recruitment system. He was even puzzled and angry by the way his boss manages him and belittled him. As his wife, what I can do for him is pray and encourage him to pray and trust God. I strongly believe hubby was placed there by God's will. I know God has HIS reason for placing hubby there and I know God knows what hubby is going through.

Despite what hubby is going through did not look promising, I believe God will show hubby the purpose and will definitely guide and protect him. I love these verses Roman 8:31: If God is with us, who can be against us?" Psalm 23:4: Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

I pray that God will bless hubby's with wisdom and knowledge to handle all the difficult situation and may peace be upon hubby. When the peace set in, may hubby feel God's presence and love. May hubby and I settle in a perm job and enjoy financial breakthrough this year. In Jesus's name we pray, AMEN!

Faith
LC

I'm Back!!

It's has been quite some time since I last blogged. I wasn't in a mood to blog as there were negative things happened to me.

1st Bomb - Jobless

I didn't renew my contract because the term and condition offered to me wasn't appealing. After much consideration, I decided to take the risk of not renewing. It would also mean no income for me. Have to rely on husband for the time being till I found a career. I never like to rely on anyone for money especially I have earning power. However at this point, it is not up to me anymore. I suppose God wanted me to learn to rely and submit to my husband. Afterall, it is good to be protected. I would also think that God wanted me to learn how to manage my family too. When I was busy working, I hardly had time for family. My life was just work, housework and sleep. I didn't even want to talk to husband and play with son. I just wanted to have some private time by MYSELF. I really neglected them.

2nd Bomb - ADHD

Just as I was busy and actively looking for job, the next thing that happened that caused me to think twice about going back to work is my son. He is most likely to dignose with Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). ADHD is a problem with inattentiveness, over-activity, impulsivity, or a combination. For these problems to be diagnosed as ADHD, they must be out of the normal range for a child's age and development. (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002518/) Because of that, my son has to go for intervention to help him with his motor skills development. The intervention will take place for at least a year for once a week or two. Without intervention, Mini Ong will face difficulity when he goes to primary 1. At the age of 5, he is already facing problem with writing, and Art and Craft. No doubt Mini Ong is a intelligent boy, but without good motor skill, his overall development will be affected. Co2 x 1000...

The intervention is only on weekdays. This also means that if I go back to work, who is going to bring Mini Ong for intervention? Both hubby and I can't take leave every week. Even if we could, we also don't have much leave per year to use. *Big Sigh* I am still praying for direction and solution. I need to be financially strong to send Mini Ong for intervention and at the same time has the time to bring him for intervention weekly. How am I suppose to do that? I really don't know...I leave it to God.

3rd Bomb - Mini Ong's mood swing

Mini Ong has been having mood swing lately. One min he is happily playing and the next he would be crying telling me he doesn't want to go to school. He would give me excuse such as "I am sick. Got stomachache so no need to go to school". The real reason for not wanting to go to school is because he has been facing tremendous stress in school. He was scolded by his teacher for unable to write chinese words and unable to complete the writing on time. For a 5 year old kid to come out with excuses and fake illness just to avoid school is very smart and sad at the same time. Smart in the sense that he knows he doesn't have to go to school if he is sick and thus fake it. He is thinking...But Sad is he started to lie at such a small age. It shows that Mini Ong is trying to protect himself!

ADHD kids have problem with motor skill hence affects writing as well. As a caregiver, the teacher is aware of Mini Ong's condition. However instead of shower him with more encouragement and care, she scolded him. I was very disappointed with the way the school handles my son. The school fee is not cheap as well! As I am not working, the childcare subsidy for non working mother is only SGD 150. That's means we got to pay SGD 600 per month after SGD 150 subsidy. SGD 600 for childcare fee is not cheap! To pay such a high price I expect good service too. It is such a disappointment that we do not get good service for such high fee.

I had spoken to the teacher and shall monitor again. If Mini Ong continues to feel stressed up going to school, I shall not hesitate to complain to MCYS.

Moving forward, I do not know what to do next except for doing my best for my family and live positively. God is my source of strength.I will walk according to God's plan for me.

加油!

LC