Plan Plan GOD's PLAN

"Do not be afraid, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." - Luke 12:32. My time has come! It's time to receive GOD's Kingdom Amen! "Father, the hour has come." - John 17:1

These are my 2 verses yesterday. I believe my time has come. It is time to receive GOD's Kingdom. It is time to go according to HIS plan. Lately, I have not been able to sleep. No matter how tired I was, I couldn't sleep. My mind was thinking a lot of stuff. There are so many things I would like to complete and accomplish but due to jobless, it has to put on hold. GOD is great indeed. Everything happened for a reason. Even though the situation may seem dark, it happened for a good reason. HE knows what I want and my thoughts. Everything HE does for me is for my own good.

During this period I have learnt to be patience. I realized that there are many things I would love to finish up but can't rush. If I rush to complete it, it may backfire. It has to go according to GOD's plan in order not to be screwed up. Sometime 'Waiting' is the best weapon of defense especially in dark times.

Yesterday I received a call from Recruitment Agent. She is going to profile me over to her client as Recruitment Manager! Finally someone see the value in me! I was excited and over cloud nine :) Even though nothing is finalized yet. Interview with the potential employer has not been confirmed, I am already very thankful. I thank GOD for seeing the value in me. I thank GOD for the opportunity to be connected with the agent. I thank GOD for everything that happened in my life. I do pray that the potential employer will see the value in me and willing to give me the chance to prove my worth. In my career life, what I am lack of is 'opportunity'. However, I am not angry for not given the opportunity. I gained so so much over the years and my exposure widen. I believe this is to prepared me for the 'opportunity' when the right time comes.

Now, the time has come. I strongly believe so. I don't know why am I so optimistic about it when NOTHING has been finalized but my heart was stirred with unknown excitement that I just know the time has come. All I need to do right now is to continuously give thanks to GOD, trust and have faith in HIM, and prepare myself for the 'opportunity'. Gosh I am so so excited :) :) :)

I know thing is going to change soon. To change for the good. Breakthrough! I believe GOD is using this 6 months of my jobless period to equip me to prepare for the breakthrough. To achieve Breakthrough is a painful process but the outcome is worth it. Moving forward life is definitely not a bed of roses but with GOD nothing is impossible. I strongly strongly believe that if this 'opportunity' is GOD's plan for me, nothing can be against me. Amen!!

Thank you GOD

LC 

Use the Word As a Weapon

Use the Word As a Weapon

by Joyce Meyer - posted May 30, 2012

No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. —Isaiah 54:17

Do certain situations in your life always seem to trigger thoughts you don’t want and can’t seem to get rid of? This is a stronghold the devil has built in your mind—a fortress that attracts and holds a certain kind of thinking. There is a battle going on, and it is taking place in your mind.

God has a great plan for your life, but if you allow yourself to be deceived by the enemy, your wrong thoughts can stop that plan. If you will attack those thoughts with the Word, using it as a weapon against the devil, God will set you free from the strongholds in your mind. He will change your thoughts—and your life—and you will start experiencing that abundance He had planned for you all along.

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” Psalm 27:13-14 (NIV).

God is really amazing. I am feeling down lately. Been 'attacking' by Recruitment agents about my ability. It happened too many times till I started to believe I am really lousy. Sux big time! That's why no companies want me. But GOD told me otherwise! Today my message from GOD is Wait for the LORD, be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Also I should ignore what others said about me for I am NOT what they said I am. God said "No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgement you shall show to be in the wrong. Isaiah 54:17"


I am waiting for that day to come. I am waiting for that day to prove to those who look down on me that they are wrong! I must not be deceived by the enemy and I shall be STILL.


Dear Heavenly Father, please set me free from the strongholds in my mind. Strongholds that condemn me, that says I am lousy and unworthy. I am not unworthy for I am made worthy by YOU. Remind me to see goodness in YOU and wait for YOU patiently. I want to experience the abundance YOU have for me. In the process of waiting, may YOU remove any negative thought in my mind and only think of YOUR goodness. In Jesus's name I pray AMEN!


Praying
LC

虎落平阳被犬欺 aka Dragon in shallow water attacked by prawns / tiger in the plains bullied by dogs

虎落平阳被犬欺，我终于明白是什么意思了。因为它发生在我身上。I have been jobless for the past 6 months and have been actively looking for job after settled Mini Ong's intervention issue. During these period, I went for 4 interviews with employers and a few with the Recruitment agencies. Out of the interviews, the most unpleasant interviews were with agencies. Some agencies called me for the opening they had (which I appreciate it), however they sounded degrading. They put it in a nice way that I should be grateful to them to 'sell' me to their clients though the salary was low and so was the position offered because the fact is I have been jobless for 6 months! This is so insulting! No doubt that I have been jobless for 6 months but what is my 'jobless status' going to do with my experience? Shouldn't the company pay me base on my experience? Why should I be grateful to companies who degrading me? Am I so desperate for job that I lost my dignity? 

When this happened, Ah Tan aka Satan spoke to me. He said I do not process the managerial quality. I am not qualify to be a manager. Because my resume reflects that I am a job hopper! Because of what Ah Tan said, I sank into depression. My confidence level dropped and I really believed that I was unworthy! No doubt I have not reached Senior Manager level but I definitely reach Junior Manager level. Base on my experience and pay, the next level has to be a Manager! What Ah Tan said really crushed my career goal and hope. It was then something miracle happened.

Today as I was taking a nap, I dreamt that I went for interview and the interviewer rejected me because he said I am not qualify for his manager position. In the dream, I asked the interview to be specific on the area I am not qualify so that I could brush up my weakness and improve on it. However he just said I wasn't what he was looking for. I remember before I left the company and while thanking him for the interview opportunity, there is a song kept playing in my mind. "

Lord I Lift Your Name On High"

Suddenly I realised Ah Tan was lying to me! Nobody can degrade me and nobody can say I am not qualify. My debts have been paid by Jesus's blood. I am clean and pure. Just like the lyric, "You came from heaven to earth, to show the way. From the earth to the cross, my debt to pay. From the cross to the grave, from the grave to the sky. Lord I life your name on high." God sent his beloved son Jesus to die for us so that we are all saved. I am saved!

From the dream, I know that GOD is reaching out to me telling me HE is with me all the time and HE will bless me with a good career with the job title and salary I pray for. This is my down period and Ah Tan will make good use to attack me whatever he could. I have to stand firm and keep my faith up. Another test came in after I woke up. An agent called me offering me a contract job but salary not up to my expectation and so is the job title and job scope. She was polite but she put it in a way that I cannot be having high expectation due to the fact that I have been out of job for 6 months and should be grateful that company is willing to hire me. Again, I sank into self pity. I thought "Yes I am lousy. I am unworthy. I am not qualify. That's why got agents commented me like that."

However the dreamt reminded me that GOD is with me. I am not unworthy. I am in the "storm" now. But I shall be still as Father is the King above the flood. I shall just rest my soul in Christ alone. I am protected under HIS mighty hands. GOD is never too late to bless nor too early to bless. It will be according to HIS timing and when the time comes, I shall receive double blessing AMEN!

I am overwhelmed by GOD's love lately. I am so thankful that I came to know GOD 10 years ago and becoming to walk closely with HIM lately. I thank GOD for what happened to me lately so that I could learn to walk with GOD. I have learnt to seek HIM first not human. Everything happened for a reason and I know GOD allowed it for me to learn to become a better Christian and stronger. Thank you GOD. I love YOU.

Faithful

LC

Baby girl to secure marriage / 生女儿来保婚姻？

Last Sunday, we met my parents-in-law and niece, JW, for a short gathering;- Dinner and shopping. As there were only 5 of us including little JW, Mr Ong had a chance to spend time with JW. Mr Ong always favors girl than boy. Though he prefers to have girl than boy, he wasn't upset when I gave birth to Mini Ong. To him, girl is a bonus. This is why when my sister-in-law gave birth to a girl, Mr Ong was extremely excited!

However, JW didn't like Mr Ong to carry her. She prefers me instead. It took a long time before JW finally allowed Mr Ong to be close to her. It all happened only recently. Last Sunday, JW allowed Mr Ong to carry her, to play with her, and even automatically wanted Mr Ong to hold her little hands. Oh boy you can imagine how happy Mr Ong was.

Here are the pictures I took for them. See how happy they were!

After we parted, Mr Ong continued telling me how happy he was to be able to have some time with JW and how happy he was to see JW became a cheerful happy girl and he would love her etc etc..the communication was all about JW. He even said he wondered how our girl would look like. He prefers our girl to look like me because he loves my sharp and pretty face *shy shy*.

At this point, I can't help but started to think about our future and our marriage. It is not a secret that we married because I was pregnant. Though both of us wasn't ready to commit at that time, we married for the sake of Mini Ong. 6 years has passed and though our relationship has improved tremendously - Thank GOD for HIS love and support, I still have insecure feeling. I feel insecure about finances - I am still jobless and Mr Ong's has not converted to perm, I want to be financially independent so that we will not quarrel regarding money, and I feel insecure about his commitment in the family. Mr Ong loves clubbing and loves being "single" in the club. None of his clubber friends know that he is married *worried worried*.

I know I should trust GOD and remove all the fears but being a human, I'm really scare. Everyday I am praying for breakthrough in my career, finance and marriage. I am praying to remove my fear and trust GOD completely. Somehow there is a devil in me trying to scare me. The battle is ongoing daily.

If by having another baby, best of all a girl, would save my marriage, I would give it a try. However what if it's another boy? Though Mr Ong said gender doesn't matter but I knew that if it is going to be another boy, my marriage will still remain status quo. In fact it will be worst for me cos having Mini Ong already drains my energy. By having 2 boys I think I will run away. So I rather have Mini Ong ONLY. Only by having a girl will I see breakthrough in my marriage. As he prefers girl, I believe he will automatically spend more time in the family and more involve in parenting. I believe his mindset will change and so is his irresponsible attitude (Clubbing without telling people his marital status).

I told GOD if a baby girl will strengthen this marriage and this family, I will give birth to one though I don't like children. I know it is wrong to pray for baby gender but for the sake of this marriage and this family, I want to and must pray for a baby girl. I told GOD I commit my marriage to HIM. If it is HIS will for me to be pregnant again, let it be a girl. I already have a boy. Let us have a girl that looks like me. And should that day ever come, bless Mr Ong to have a permanent career, bless us to have financial breakthrough, bless us to have enough money to pay for the bills, family expenses and debts, bless us to be a committed family, and transform Mr Ong to be a responsible and loving husband and daddy.

We did not plan for another kid though Mr Ong often mentioned about having a girl. If I accidentally pregnant again (which is very unlikely...no action no baby!), I believe it is GOD's will. And if that day ever come, I believe GOD will provide. I must really learn to trust GOD completely and not let the devil scares me. My faith must be strong in order for GOD's blessing to come.

Oh GOD I pray that YOU will renew my faith in YOU daily. Let me trust YOU completely despite having a tough situation now. Block the devil who is trying to scare me. Guide me to focus in YOU only. Thank you for your love and blessing. In Jesus's name I pray Amen.

Faith

LC

The battle of angel and demon in mind

Everyone faces this situation daily. The angel vs demon aka the good vs bad. We are facing situation daily that requires to choose. Some chose to do good while some chose the bad. Did it ever occur to you that choosing bad is actually easier and happier? At least it does for me. Example, when quarrel with Mr Ong, it is so so super easy to shout at him demanding him to listen to me, than cool myself down talking to him in a gentle tone. The devil is working on me in this case. Why is it so hard to do good?

Lately panic attack me especially when the surrounding is quiet such as at night. If you don't know what is panic attack, according toWikipedia, Panic attacks are periods of intense fear or apprehension that are of sudden onset^[1] and of relatively brief duration. Panic attacks usually begin abruptly, reach a peak within 10 minutes, and subside over the next several hours. Often, those afflicted will experience significant anticipatory anxiety and limited symptom attacks in between attacks, in situations where attacks have previously occurred

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panic_attack)

Fear set in because of my current situation. I have been jobless since Jan. 4 months gone and despite going for interviews, there weren't any good news. No doubt Mr Ong has been providing for the family, he doesn't pay for my personal expenses such as my parents' and my mobile bills (deducted from my GIRO monthly), lingerie, sanitary pad, insurance, transportation etc etc...In general, my own expenses excluding family expenses. 

It always lead to quarrel whenever we talk about money. He will makes me feel that it is wrong to ask him for money even though husband should provide for his wife. Hence there is no way I can become a housewife knowing that I will end up like a beggar. No money to spend on myself. Even though I earn much much much (more than 2 times) lesser than Mr Ong, at least I can spend my own money at ease. 

Daily I have been praying to God. I pray that God will bless Mr Ong with a permanent position at his current company and with wisdom to deal with insecure B**ch. I pray that I will be blessed with a permanent job with good career prospect, nice and supportive boss, and good income. However, news come in daily is negative.

It was so negative that fear set in. Seeing that my bank account is getting lesser and lesser, I couodn't help but scared. I kept telling myself God will provide as promised in HIS words yet there is a dark side of me telling me that God has forgotten me. 

It is a battle between angel and demon. Angel side of me is constantly reminding me that God will provide. I just got to trust HIM and have faith in HIM. HE will provide in HIS time. However the dark side of me is telling me God has forgotten about me and Mr Ong. If God remembers, why is Mr Ong still a contractor and may be jobless in May, and I am still jobless. 

I know I should trust God. I even remind Mr Ong daily that God is with him and he has to trust God. See how hypocrite I am? I don't even dare to tell Mr Ong the battle going through my mind! How can I keep telling Mr Ong to trust God when I myself starts to waver? 

There are times I am so tempted to be a mistress. There are married successful men who want me. Despite knowing that I am married with kid and not young anymore, they are still attracted to me, willing to splurge on me! Of course it is not about love. It is just "business transaction". Money in exchange with service. Damn! I am so 没骨气! Anyway it is a temptation. If it really happened you would see me cover with branded goods and diamond! This is dark side of me telling me to go for it. I tried to sleep the whole day daily so that I will not think too much. I dare not go out cos going out means spending. So sleeping is the best medicine for me at the moment provided I can really sleep!

Of course the good side of me is still lesser than the dark side that is why I am suffering from panic attack! If I have the money I won't be worrying about all these stuff. I am looking for part time job but I need the flexibility to go for interview as and when needed and quit without notice period. So far I have not seen such a flexibility in part time job sigh....

Anyway anyway I need to do something to divert my attention from the dark side. Something that stimulate my brain instead of me stimulating the thing. Damn I don't know what am I talking about.

Crazy
LC

白头偕老会轮到我吗？？

I was walking home this morning after sending Mini Ong to school when I saw this old couple in front of me. The wife was affectionately holding her husband arm while they were crossing the road. At times when the old lady let go her hand and the old man tend to walk faster and his old wife couldn't catch up, he would stop and wait for her. 

Looking at the scene made me wonder whether it will happen to me too? Mr Ong doesn't even hold my hand now. Will he hold my hand in future when we both old? I doubt so... As an old saying, to be husband and wife, it is "百年修得同船渡,千年修得共枕眠". Meaning 一百年的缘份可以在今世坐同一座船, 而做夫妻, 则需要一千年的缘份。Which also mean 缘份来之不易, 要珍惜. However how many actually treasure it? After married, when commitment and practical set in, ugly side of our personalities unveil. How many can actually tolerate and give in forever? Divorce rate is sky high because people loves to choose the easy way out.

2 different people from 2 different families cultures and 2 different personalities, to live under one roof is a great challenge. Those challenges we will never see before married. The funny thing is it will only reveal after married. I always wonder if it is revealed before married, at least we have choices. Either try to work things out so that after married life would be simple, or just break up. We also have 2 choices after married. Either sort out the differences or divorce. However divorce comes with a price. A very heavy price, unlike break up comes with no cost *kah ching!! Money!*

我很希望老公能当我不高兴的时候哄哄我，每晚抱着我睡觉，出门的时候牵我的手。这些对别的夫妻是多么轻而易举的是。可是对他而言是多么难。很想被爱难道这么难吗？sigh..

Sad 

LC 

Finally apologised

Mini Ong finally apologised at 7pm. He came to my room and said "I want mummy. Sorry."
Well if you think he realised his mistake, NO! He was hungry that's why he looked for me!


Stubborn! At least he did apologise.


LC